I had intended on writing more about the trying-to-conceive process, but I was feeling pretty disheartened and was busy at work, so it fell by the wayside. Here's a quick re-cap:
Cycle #2
We went forward with trying the month after the miscarriage. It helped lighten our hearts, but I don't think either of us were very optimistic. For moment at the end of the wait, we had hope, but we still stared at a blank test.
Cycle #3
We took one month off before we tried again. Everything about this cycle was weird, we almost shipped the dewar back, but at the last minute we decided to try. Everything continued to be weird which made it hard to decide if they were "symptoms" or just a weird cycle... Especially when A's cycle was late and we still had a negative test. At that point we started being worried about another miscarriage. I guess it almost softened the blow of not being pregnant.
Cycle #4
This cycle was perfect. We made a concentrated effort to be positive and excited instead of nervous about all of the "what-ifs" that had filled our heads and hearts since February. Timing was great. As it got closer to the day we decided to test, we both were very excited. We were so excited that I was almost nervous that we would be disappointed. Luckily we weren't! The second line showed up immediately!
We told our parents this week and everyone is very excited. We're gradually telling the rest of our family and close friends.
I think we both still have a seed of doubt. We've been trying to figure out if the different twinges and pains are normal for early pregnancy or if we should be concerned. We also aren't sure if we want an early ultrasound or not. We have an appointment with the midwife in 2 weeks and I guess we'll talk to her about it. In the mean time, we'll try to stay positive and start dreaming of our family of 4!
So, let the adventure begin!
Showing posts with label trying to conceive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trying to conceive. Show all posts
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Loss
It worked! And then it didn't...
Exactly one week into our wait, A started experiencing spotting, which at that point indicates implantation bleeding. We were elated. We did some research and on how long after implantation a home pregnancy test can get a positive result. 5 days later, we took the test-- negative. It was still early enough that we didn't lose all hope. We asked around and other people had late positives that were successful pregnancies. 2 days later we finally got the positive test we were hoping for. It was surreal, had it really worked on the first try!?
We started telling some of our family and close friends. When we decided to try, I came up with the idea of telling people with Valentines since we would be finding out just before Valentine's Day. We met up with A's parents on Friday night and told them. We had a Valentine's party with all of E's friends (well, we're friends with the parents, the kids seem to get along...) and told all of those families. On Sunday we were going to meet my parents and give them their cards but A started having spotting. It quickly became obvious that she was having an early miscarriage.
We were pretty crushed. I was stuck at work pretending everything was alright, A was stuck at home with the constant reminder that it wasn't.
Many people wait to tell anyone until later in the pregnancy just in case this happens, but I'm glad we didn't wait. It was hardest for me to tell my mom because I had to tell her that we were a) trying again, b) had been pregnant, and c) it was a chemical pregnancy. A loss at any point is hard, but our friends and family really were there to support us. There were many kind words, hugs, and even some food.
The timing wasn't great (there is no good time...). This time of year is always hard on our marriage. I generally work long hours and we only get brief times together when we are awake. Adding our very different processes of grief really didn't help.
In the middle of all of this, A got a message from the friend who got her into her field in the first place. She heard A was going to school and that made her eligible to work with her at the hospital across the street from our house as a tech instead of an assistant. They just had someone leave and are looking for a replacement. AND its on the early shift, so we wouldn't have to do all day day-care. This was all great news, except we would again be looking at a 3 month wait so A would qualify for FML.
We've finally had some time to heal and re-connect. A few nights ago, we ended up in a very similar, last minute conversation about if we should try or not. After weighing the pros and cons, we decided that we weren't willing to wait as long as we needed to if A got the new job. We're just going to wing it and hope for the best. We decided that since FML wasn't paid leave, it just guaranteed your job, it wasn't worth waiting for. She's already on my insurance, so we don't have wait for coverage to change over. And really, we just need something to look forward to. It makes the loss sting a little less.
Today we traded in our little MazdaSpeed3 for a Ford Escape. There was no way we could have 2 car seats in the Mazda if we wanted to do rear-facing past 1 year. Things are moving forward, it feels good. I would ask you to send us positive thoughts, but since you won't read this for a while, I'll ask you to send them to someone else who needs them. Or even better, a random act of kindness.
Exactly one week into our wait, A started experiencing spotting, which at that point indicates implantation bleeding. We were elated. We did some research and on how long after implantation a home pregnancy test can get a positive result. 5 days later, we took the test-- negative. It was still early enough that we didn't lose all hope. We asked around and other people had late positives that were successful pregnancies. 2 days later we finally got the positive test we were hoping for. It was surreal, had it really worked on the first try!?
We started telling some of our family and close friends. When we decided to try, I came up with the idea of telling people with Valentines since we would be finding out just before Valentine's Day. We met up with A's parents on Friday night and told them. We had a Valentine's party with all of E's friends (well, we're friends with the parents, the kids seem to get along...) and told all of those families. On Sunday we were going to meet my parents and give them their cards but A started having spotting. It quickly became obvious that she was having an early miscarriage.
We were pretty crushed. I was stuck at work pretending everything was alright, A was stuck at home with the constant reminder that it wasn't.
Many people wait to tell anyone until later in the pregnancy just in case this happens, but I'm glad we didn't wait. It was hardest for me to tell my mom because I had to tell her that we were a) trying again, b) had been pregnant, and c) it was a chemical pregnancy. A loss at any point is hard, but our friends and family really were there to support us. There were many kind words, hugs, and even some food.
The timing wasn't great (there is no good time...). This time of year is always hard on our marriage. I generally work long hours and we only get brief times together when we are awake. Adding our very different processes of grief really didn't help.
In the middle of all of this, A got a message from the friend who got her into her field in the first place. She heard A was going to school and that made her eligible to work with her at the hospital across the street from our house as a tech instead of an assistant. They just had someone leave and are looking for a replacement. AND its on the early shift, so we wouldn't have to do all day day-care. This was all great news, except we would again be looking at a 3 month wait so A would qualify for FML.
We've finally had some time to heal and re-connect. A few nights ago, we ended up in a very similar, last minute conversation about if we should try or not. After weighing the pros and cons, we decided that we weren't willing to wait as long as we needed to if A got the new job. We're just going to wing it and hope for the best. We decided that since FML wasn't paid leave, it just guaranteed your job, it wasn't worth waiting for. She's already on my insurance, so we don't have wait for coverage to change over. And really, we just need something to look forward to. It makes the loss sting a little less.
Today we traded in our little MazdaSpeed3 for a Ford Escape. There was no way we could have 2 car seats in the Mazda if we wanted to do rear-facing past 1 year. Things are moving forward, it feels good. I would ask you to send us positive thoughts, but since you won't read this for a while, I'll ask you to send them to someone else who needs them. Or even better, a random act of kindness.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Schrodinger's Uterus
One problem about creating a family as lesbians is that it's very hard to be spontaneous about it. I mean, being able to skip all of the discussions on the online mom groups about birth control and breastfeeding was AWESOME, but I'm always a bit jealous of the couples who can just start trying on a whim. We have always said we wanted to have kids 2-3 years apart. Well, E is 2 yrs and 5 mths, so that ship has sailed... but we can still see it on the horizon. I guess I have to go back a few months to explain how we got here. And by "here" I mean back in the so-called "Two-Week-Wait" before we find out if we are going to have a baby. I like to call this time Schrodinger's Uterus. Since pregnancy math starts on the first day of your last menstrual cycle, once you introduce sperm, you are simultaneously pregnant and not pregnant until you take the test.
Anyways, back to how we got here. Since E was a few months old, A has been working in a lab part time. This was great because it meant that she was done before I went to work and we didn't have to pay for day care. Things were going well and we were going to start trying for our next baby in the summer. Unfortunately, in the sping, A found out they were combining the 2 part time positions into one full time position for her supervisor. Although she has a good amount of experience in the field, she is lacking a certification and wasn't able to fine a job in the same position. After a few months she was hired in a lab but at a lower position. We had planned on waiting 3 months so she would qualify for FML, but since she wasn't making as much as we anticipated, we just couldn't see how to make the finances work. We were feeling pretty stuck. Then one of A's coworkers asked her to start a program that would make her eligible for the certification exam with her. All of the programs A had looked into required far more prerequisites than this one and its seemed like it would take forever taking one class at a time. This one was has much more basic prereqs, is completely online, and only takes 10 months. It was the break we needed. We decided to wait until she was about half way through the course and then start trying. We would be a bit behind our family planning schedule, but it was close enough.
Okay, now we are caught up to last week. Books were being bought and online profiles were being created. We were discussing what her job would become after she got the certification. One of her co-workers who had been really encouraging her was talking to her about trying to get them to create a completely different position for her. The catch is that her coworker is planning on retiring in just over a year and the changes would all be set in motion by his retirement. We realized that would mean our current plans put her on maternity leave right at that time, and that wasn't ideal. Then we had the brilliant idea that she should take the certification exam while on maternity leave and come back to a new position. Which meant we needed to start trying RIGHT NOW. If we contacted the cryobank the next morning, there was just enough time to probably try this month. So we did it. Its as close to being spontaneous as we can really get. Funnily enough, I was reading old blog posts and its very similar to the cycle we conceived E on- we had decided to stop trying for a while and at the last minute called the bank and tried anyways.
If feels a little surreal. Honestly, it felt more than a little irresponsible. Beyond the fact that being able to afford to be a family of 4 hinges on a job she doesn't have yet that requires a certifications she can't even try to get for 10 month, we hadn't been "tracking" as seriously as we should. With how much money is on the line each month, its a good idea to be very confident of the timing (down to about 12 hours). Luckily, I think we did good.
So there you have it. In 2 weeks, we either be bursting at the seams or remembering WHY trying to conceive is so damn hard.
To reward you for sticking with me through this slightly disjointed, vague post, I will answer some FAQs that I have just made up--
Who is going to carry this time? Most likely you know this from previous blogs or real life, but it's A's turn! We always planned on us each carrying one child. More than that we are open to, and will probably foster-to-adopt unless one of us feels very strongly about being pregnant again.
Are you sad you it's not you? Every once and a while, but mostly I'm excited to be actively trying again. I'm also really excited to not go through pregnancy while doing my hectic, strenuous, sometimes dangerous job. And I get parental leave anyways, so that will be awesome! Also, I'm excited for A, since she has wanted this as long as I've known her. I occasionally felt guilty that I got to go first.
Did you use the same donor? Yes! As soon as we heard E's heartbeat and were confident the pregnancy would "stick" we ordered more vials of the same donor and have been paying to store them ever since. Obviously our supply is limited (and the donor is sold out), but I'm more worried about picking a donor than about our children not sharing a donor. If you are curious about that process here is a blog about it.
Who are you telling? NO ONE! Don't take it personally, but last time we told a lot of people we were trying, we were on online groups, and there was a whole cheerleading section who knew exactly when we would find out. The support was great, but it got really hard to tell everyone every month that it didn't work. We also want to be able to tell everyone when it is good news in our own way. If it starts taking a while, we will probably tell some people, but not specifics again. Actually, although I'm writing this blog in January, it won't be posted until we announce a pregnancy.
Do you want a girl or boy? We've always said we wanted a boy and a girl, but as soon as we found out E was a girl, we realized we don't care all that much. Mostly, we felt relief that we didn't have to come up with a boy name since we were having a hard time. We actually don't plan on finding out our next baby's sex until birth.
Have other questions? Post a comment!
Anyways, back to how we got here. Since E was a few months old, A has been working in a lab part time. This was great because it meant that she was done before I went to work and we didn't have to pay for day care. Things were going well and we were going to start trying for our next baby in the summer. Unfortunately, in the sping, A found out they were combining the 2 part time positions into one full time position for her supervisor. Although she has a good amount of experience in the field, she is lacking a certification and wasn't able to fine a job in the same position. After a few months she was hired in a lab but at a lower position. We had planned on waiting 3 months so she would qualify for FML, but since she wasn't making as much as we anticipated, we just couldn't see how to make the finances work. We were feeling pretty stuck. Then one of A's coworkers asked her to start a program that would make her eligible for the certification exam with her. All of the programs A had looked into required far more prerequisites than this one and its seemed like it would take forever taking one class at a time. This one was has much more basic prereqs, is completely online, and only takes 10 months. It was the break we needed. We decided to wait until she was about half way through the course and then start trying. We would be a bit behind our family planning schedule, but it was close enough.
Okay, now we are caught up to last week. Books were being bought and online profiles were being created. We were discussing what her job would become after she got the certification. One of her co-workers who had been really encouraging her was talking to her about trying to get them to create a completely different position for her. The catch is that her coworker is planning on retiring in just over a year and the changes would all be set in motion by his retirement. We realized that would mean our current plans put her on maternity leave right at that time, and that wasn't ideal. Then we had the brilliant idea that she should take the certification exam while on maternity leave and come back to a new position. Which meant we needed to start trying RIGHT NOW. If we contacted the cryobank the next morning, there was just enough time to probably try this month. So we did it. Its as close to being spontaneous as we can really get. Funnily enough, I was reading old blog posts and its very similar to the cycle we conceived E on- we had decided to stop trying for a while and at the last minute called the bank and tried anyways.
If feels a little surreal. Honestly, it felt more than a little irresponsible. Beyond the fact that being able to afford to be a family of 4 hinges on a job she doesn't have yet that requires a certifications she can't even try to get for 10 month, we hadn't been "tracking" as seriously as we should. With how much money is on the line each month, its a good idea to be very confident of the timing (down to about 12 hours). Luckily, I think we did good.
So there you have it. In 2 weeks, we either be bursting at the seams or remembering WHY trying to conceive is so damn hard.
To reward you for sticking with me through this slightly disjointed, vague post, I will answer some FAQs that I have just made up--
Who is going to carry this time? Most likely you know this from previous blogs or real life, but it's A's turn! We always planned on us each carrying one child. More than that we are open to, and will probably foster-to-adopt unless one of us feels very strongly about being pregnant again.
Are you sad you it's not you? Every once and a while, but mostly I'm excited to be actively trying again. I'm also really excited to not go through pregnancy while doing my hectic, strenuous, sometimes dangerous job. And I get parental leave anyways, so that will be awesome! Also, I'm excited for A, since she has wanted this as long as I've known her. I occasionally felt guilty that I got to go first.
Did you use the same donor? Yes! As soon as we heard E's heartbeat and were confident the pregnancy would "stick" we ordered more vials of the same donor and have been paying to store them ever since. Obviously our supply is limited (and the donor is sold out), but I'm more worried about picking a donor than about our children not sharing a donor. If you are curious about that process here is a blog about it.
Who are you telling? NO ONE! Don't take it personally, but last time we told a lot of people we were trying, we were on online groups, and there was a whole cheerleading section who knew exactly when we would find out. The support was great, but it got really hard to tell everyone every month that it didn't work. We also want to be able to tell everyone when it is good news in our own way. If it starts taking a while, we will probably tell some people, but not specifics again. Actually, although I'm writing this blog in January, it won't be posted until we announce a pregnancy.
Do you want a girl or boy? We've always said we wanted a boy and a girl, but as soon as we found out E was a girl, we realized we don't care all that much. Mostly, we felt relief that we didn't have to come up with a boy name since we were having a hard time. We actually don't plan on finding out our next baby's sex until birth.
Have other questions? Post a comment!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)