Thursday, January 22, 2015

Schrodinger's Uterus

One problem about creating a family as lesbians is that it's very hard to be spontaneous about it. I mean, being able to skip all of the discussions on the online mom groups about birth control and breastfeeding was AWESOME, but I'm always a bit jealous of the couples who can just start trying on a whim. We have always said we wanted to have kids 2-3 years apart. Well, E is 2 yrs and 5 mths, so that ship has sailed... but we can still see it on the horizon.  I guess I have to go back a few months to explain how we got here. And by "here" I mean back in the so-called "Two-Week-Wait" before we find out if we are going to have a baby. I like to call this time Schrodinger's Uterus.  Since pregnancy math starts on the first day of your last menstrual cycle, once you introduce sperm, you are simultaneously pregnant and not pregnant until you take the test.

Anyways, back to how we got here. Since E was a few months old, A has been working in a lab part time.  This was great because it meant that she was done before I went to work and we didn't have to pay for day care.  Things were going well and we were going to start trying for our next baby in the summer. Unfortunately, in the sping, A found out they were combining the 2 part time positions into one full time position for her supervisor. Although she has a good amount of experience in the field, she is lacking a certification and wasn't able to fine a job in the same position. After a few months she was hired in a lab but at a lower position. We had planned on waiting 3 months so she would qualify for FML, but since she wasn't making as much as we anticipated, we just couldn't see how to make the finances work. We were feeling pretty stuck.  Then one of A's coworkers asked her to start a program that would make her eligible for the certification exam with her. All of the programs A had looked into required far more prerequisites than this one and its seemed like it would take forever taking one class at a time. This one was has much more basic prereqs, is completely online, and only takes 10 months. It was the break we needed. We decided to wait until she was about half way through the course and then start trying. We would be a bit behind our family planning schedule, but it was close enough.

Okay, now we are caught up to last week. Books were being bought and online profiles were being created. We were discussing what her job would become after she got the certification. One of her co-workers who had been really encouraging her was talking to her about trying to get them to create a completely different position for her. The catch is that her coworker is planning on retiring in just over a year and the changes would all be set in motion by his retirement. We realized that would mean our current plans put her on maternity leave right at that time, and that wasn't ideal. Then we had the brilliant idea that she should take the certification exam while on maternity leave and come back to a new position. Which meant we needed to start trying RIGHT NOW. If we contacted the cryobank the next morning, there was just enough time to probably try this month. So we did it. Its as close to being spontaneous as we can really get. Funnily enough, I was reading old blog posts and its very similar to the cycle we conceived E on- we had decided to stop trying for a while and at the last minute called the bank and tried anyways.

If feels a little surreal. Honestly, it felt more than a little irresponsible. Beyond the fact that being able to afford to be a family of 4 hinges on a job she doesn't have yet that requires a certifications she can't even try to get for 10 month, we hadn't been "tracking" as seriously as we should.  With how much money is on the line each month, its a good idea to be very confident of the timing (down to about 12 hours). Luckily, I think we did good.

So there you have it. In 2 weeks, we either be bursting at the seams or remembering WHY trying to conceive is so damn hard.

To reward you for sticking with me through this slightly disjointed, vague post, I will answer some FAQs that I have just made up--

Who is going to carry this time? Most likely you know this from previous blogs or real life, but it's A's turn!  We always planned on us each carrying one child. More than that we are open to, and will probably foster-to-adopt unless one of us feels very strongly about being pregnant again.

Are you sad you it's not you? Every once and a while, but mostly I'm excited to be actively trying again.  I'm also really excited to not go through pregnancy while doing my hectic, strenuous, sometimes dangerous job.  And I get parental leave anyways, so that will be awesome! Also, I'm excited for A, since she has wanted this as long as I've known her. I occasionally felt guilty that I got to go first.

Did you use the same donor? Yes!  As soon as we heard E's heartbeat and were confident the pregnancy would "stick" we ordered more vials of the same donor and have been paying to store them ever since. Obviously our supply is limited (and the donor is sold out), but I'm more worried about picking a donor than about our children not sharing a donor. If you are curious about that process here is a blog about it.

Who are you telling? NO ONE!  Don't take it personally, but last time we told a lot of people we were trying, we were on online groups, and there was a whole cheerleading section who knew exactly when we would find out.  The support was great, but it got really hard to tell everyone every month that it didn't work. We also want to be able to tell everyone when it is good news in our own way. If it starts taking a while, we will probably tell some people, but not specifics again. Actually, although I'm writing this blog in January, it won't be posted until we announce a pregnancy.

Do you want a girl or boy? We've always said we wanted a boy and a girl, but as soon as we found out E was a girl, we realized we don't care all that much.  Mostly, we felt relief that we didn't have to come up with a boy name since we were having a hard time. We actually don't plan on finding out our next baby's sex until birth.

Have other questions? Post a comment!

1 comment:

  1. You two are AWESOME parents and I'm so excited for you both and E!