Saturday, June 27, 2015

Marriage equality

Yesterday, June 26th 2015, the Supreme Court ruled that all bans on gay marriage across the nation are unconstitutional. What an incredible day!

Years ago, when we first began talking about having a family, we made a number of choices that would positively affect our rights as a family, particularly the perception of our rights by strangers - staff at a school, nurses in a hospital, etc. We made these choices because we knew that our rights as a family would come one day, but we truly didn't expect our home state to recognize our marriage for many, many years to come, and we wanted to protect our children when they were young.

Now here we sit, our oldest child not even 3 years old and our next baby on its way, and the Supreme Court has fixed this particular issue for us. To say I am in disbelief would be an understatement.

When I think about it, I feel overcome by emotion. This new life I'm growing was conceived before national marriage equality existed - and before he or she is born, it has been granted. This child will never know a world where their parents weren't married and legally recognized by our government. What an immense and weighty thing to have lifted from T's and my shoulders.

Now we are waiting to see how the state handles birth certificates, and hoping that both our names can be present on this new baby's birth certificate. For each of us to have 100% equal legal rights as parents from the very beginning is not something we will take for granted. We also hope the state might reissue E's birth certificate with both our names, as we were legally married at the time of her birth.

This is changing the face of LGBT rights, that's for certain. We still have a long road ahead of us - but what an amazing time to live in.

Saturday, June 13, 2015


I had intended on writing more about the trying-to-conceive process, but I was feeling pretty disheartened and was busy at work, so it fell by the wayside.  Here's a quick re-cap:

Cycle #2
We went forward with trying the month after the miscarriage.  It helped lighten our hearts, but I don't think either of us were very optimistic.  For moment at the end of the wait, we had hope, but we still stared at a blank test.

Cycle #3
We took one month off before we tried again.  Everything about this cycle was weird, we almost shipped the dewar back, but at the last minute we decided to try. Everything continued to be weird which made it hard to decide if they were "symptoms" or just a weird cycle... Especially when A's cycle was late and we still had a negative test.  At that point we started being worried about another miscarriage. I guess it almost softened the blow of not being pregnant.

Cycle #4
This cycle was perfect.  We made a concentrated effort to be positive and excited instead of nervous about all of the "what-ifs" that had filled our heads and hearts since February.  Timing was great. As it got closer to the day we decided to test, we both were very excited.  We were so excited that I was almost nervous that we would be disappointed. Luckily we weren't!  The second line showed up immediately!

We told our parents this week and everyone is very excited.  We're gradually telling the rest of our family and close friends.

I think we both still have a seed of doubt. We've been trying to figure out if the different twinges and pains are normal for early pregnancy or if we should be concerned.  We also aren't sure if we want an early ultrasound or not.  We have an appointment with the midwife in 2 weeks and I guess we'll talk to her about it. In the mean time, we'll try to stay positive and start dreaming of our family of 4!

So, let the adventure begin!