A Letter to Our Son

Dearest Son,

Well, it's ending just as it began.

We started out dreaming of you by counting the minutes, hours, days, and weeks until we knew for sure you were within me. When will I ovulate? When is the right moment to inseminate? We could barely manage allowing twelve days to pass before I could take a pregnancy test and hope to find news of your wee presence. Every day, I mentally marked one more day down until we could hear your miraculous heartbeat for the first time. I waited in fear, because I lost a baby before you and I couldn't imagine losing you, too. Every day I begged. "Please let this baby stay. Please let this baby become part of our family."

It seemed an eternity; it seemed to be the flap of the bird's wing. It soon was time to see you on ultrasound, to learn that you are a boy and that we are having a son and your sister is getting a brother. Maybe it's silly or repetitive to specify each of those things - but they were all three different realizations.

Halloween passed us by, Thanksgiving came and went, then Christmas and New Year's took their turns. Each holiday, we marveled at how fast you were growing, how quickly you'd be joining us. I wondered what your first Halloween costume would be, what you would think of your first Thanksgiving dinner, and what kind of trouble you'd get into at Christmas as a ten month old just learning the joys of pulling ornaments off our Christmas tree. Today I'm thinking about how all that's left between now and your arrival is Valentine's Day, and how I can't wait to take photos of you wearing the same cherub wings I made for your big sister when she was a baby.

We've had a lot going on these last couple weeks, so don't worry if our lives all seem extra crazy when you arrive, dear one. Our home has been sold, and we've bought a new one. We're all waiting to see if you decide to come before or after we've moved! It's up to you, of course. Mom is working hard to take care of us all, and I often feel guilty that I can't be of more help to her. In case you should ever wonder - she really is Superwoman. She's got it handled, but it's an unfair load for her to carry. Hopefully it won't last much longer.

I am 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant with you now, and that means technically you could arrive at any time and be considered "full term".

And so we're back, counting down the weeks and days and hours and minutes we have left as a family of 3, before your birth changes everything.

Dearest son, we are so excited to meet you and welcome you into this amazing, wonderful, zany family we've got. You are so loved.

<3, Mama