E is six weeks old this week and I can barely believe it. Some mornings I wake up with her snuggled into bed between us and it still is shocking that she's here. Other times, I find myself wondering what life really was before she came to us, because it feels like she has been around forever.
Despite my working WAY TOO MUCH the past two weeks, I am in love with my life. All the things I've dreamed of since I was a kid are becoming a reality for me. I have an incredible, loving, patient, joyful partner in life who gave me a daughter. A daughter who is more than I could have ever hoped for. My new little family is just fantastic. I am in awe every day. Our future together shines brightly, and I'm basking in the glow of deep happiness.
E continues to grow and change, and we're loving watching her become something new every day. There are plenty of challenges parenting her, but I would never trade the difficulties. For every challenge, there is at least double that amount of joy. It is a continuation of the extremely odd way time passed during T's pregnancy - each day that passes, I am thrilled for what's coming next, but I also mourn the loss of another day gone by. I knew there was a chance that T may never be pregnant again and I wanted to cherish every day of hers with E. I hated the idea of wishing time away, but my desire to meet our daughter grew stronger every day. Then E was born. Now, I know every day brings us closer to her being a toddler, and then a kid, and then a teen, and then an adult. I look forward to every stage, but I do not wish time to go faster because then I'll lose my little baby even quicker than I already am.
E knows our voices. She watches us intently, following us with her eyes and her head. She has alarmingly great head and neck control for a six week old, and spends a lot of time keeping track of the world around her. She has begun smiling at us - small grins, cheeky smirks, big gummy smiles of amazement. Her face is so expressive, I swear I can tell what she's thinking sometimes. She sleeps a lot less now and spends more time demanding to be entertained. E loves going outside and feeling the sun and the breeze on her skin. She enjoys being held by many different people, since we all look new to her! She loves getting out of the house and socializing, especially with other babies. It seems like she's thinking about maybe trying to roll over. We'll see. I know it's going to be sooner rather than later! I swear, this kid must have a driver's license hidden in her diaper somewhere, she's growing up too fast!
Before E arrived, I wondered what she would think of me. I wondered if I'd be able to love her as much as my mom loves me and my brother. I wondered if she would think of me as an impostor.
I don't wonder about those things anymore. I don't really believe they're relevant after all. I do know that I love this child more than I thought could be possible or true. I feel connected to her in a way that doesn't matter if it's based in genetics or not. It's based in love and comfort and commitment to one another. I believe she and I love one another. I believe she knows that I'm her mama, and she knows I'm half of her parenting team. She'll tell me more as she grows up, I'm sure!
For now, for today, contentment is the name of the game. I'm thrilled to see E grow. I'm so glad to have the people in my life that I do. I'm thankful for our families and the level of support they have provided us as we start this new journey.
I really could not ask for anything more or better. I'm living my life one sunset, one sunrise at a time - and loving it.
P.S. I promise that going forward, we'll try to be MUCH better about posting more regularly! Things are about to settle into a more regular routine. We love you all; thank you for following along with us.
|Happy 1 month birthday!|
|One of E's first smiles!|
|Playing with Mom|
|Hiking in Sabino Canyon|
|Dozing in the carrier|
|Hiking with Mama|
|With Pops and Gran|
|Giving out some smiles!|