Quite a while ago I read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It is basically the handbook of La Leche League International and had been recommended to me by multiple people, other books, and websites. I have been putting off writing about it because I wanted to attend a LLL meeting and write about them together. However, every time I plan on going, something else comes up. Since it has been a while, my review will be brief.
I loved it.
Okay, not that brief, but seriously, if you plan on breastfeeding, it is great! It made me feel completely empowered and welcoming of where ever the journey takes me. It is written in inclusive language and really focuses on finding the right breastfeeding relationship for you and your baby. Obviously is advocates exclusive and extended breastfeeding, but not in a way that made me feel like I would be a failure if our plans changed.
There were two things that really stuck with me for whatever reason. The first is that we need to switch our point of view away from all of the benefits of breastfeeding and towards the drawbacks of formula. If you think about it scientifically, the breastfed babies should be the control group because it is natural and formula is artificial. The other point that really stuck with me sort of goes against this first point, but oh well-- how ever much you breastfeed, your baby does benefit. If that means they get a little bit of colostrum when they are newborns, then you've helped their immune and digestive systems. It has examples like this for each major stage of development.
As much as I enjoyed the book, it was really hard to read from cover to cover. I find this true of a lot of baby and development books; it is always easier to read whatever stage applies to you, and usually things get a little repetitive to accommodate this. I felt this way about The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, however, it is divided into 3 sections and I you skip the middle one ("Ages and Stages") the rest is much easier to stay awake through.
Well, I guess that wasn't as brief as I expected, but here is another one anyways. The next book I read was Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. Again, it came highly recommended from various sources. We had already bought and read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (my review) and I was concerned it would be a waste of time to read this, too. I mean, how much more could one woman write about giving birth?
In the end I did feel like it was a waste for me to read, but not for the reasons I had anticipated. I was amazed at how much the two books differed in approach, if not in content. Spiritual Midwifery has a much more... well, spiritual viewpoint. Go figure. A lot of the message was the same- women have great control over their bodies and they need to feel safe and relaxed to have the best birth experience. Most births are normal and don't need interventions, just support. All of those kinds of things. Unfortunately for me the way it was presented was much harder to relate to than in Ina May's Guide. Not only is it very faith based, but there was definitely a certain amount of the hippy-ish language that just made it hard for me to connect with. Not much is psychedelic or groovy anymore.
That was all in the inspirational birth stories part. The second part was more informative, including a lot more in depth information written for midwives, which was interesting. I think A enjoyed that part more than I did.
I have one more book that I wanted to read before our little girl arrives and I am almost done. Then I will read fiction. Lots of it. That isn't about babies. =)
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Full-term
37 weeks. I can scarcely believe we're so close to meeting our Ever. Though she isn't due for twenty more days, realistically she could arrive any time. It's an interesting way we're living right now, full of wonder. When will T go into labor? Will Evie be early or late? On time? What's she going to look like? What will her voice sound like?
I don't think there's anyone in my shoes who could put these questions out into the air without also wondering of the deeper fears in their hearts. Of course, I'm no exception. I'm not a father, so I wouldn't know, but I think maybe some fathers also share my concern that my daughter isn't going to like my company.
Or that I won't be able to soothe her, put her to sleep, bathe her, get up with her at night, etc. Unfortunately, there will be no telling what Ever's going to like or dislike until she gets here, and all my sadness over imagined issues is not helping to pass the time!
Luckily, I have other things to occupy me. Like drawing the design that T is going to tool onto the cover of Evie's baby book, creating pages for the baby book, finishing the belly cast we did a couple weeks ago, cleaning the house up after our major re-organize, searching for cloth diapering supplies on the internet, etc! Overall, I feel like we're doing really well right now, beside my too-much-whining. I finally feel that our house is nearing the finish line, if only I'd get up and finish instead of writing a blog!
I guess there isn't a huge amount of meaningful things I need to say to the blogosphere right now other than I am just so looking forward to Evie's birth. I am floored that our daughter's due date is in only twenty days. Every other milestone in this pregnancy has had a definite timeframe, but of course labor and birth doesn't! It seems oddly appropriate that waiting for her birth is a question mark, just like waiting for her conception was. It is clear to me that this little one has particular ideas about things already, so we are just waiting for her to decide to come to us.
Everyone is so excited to meet you, darling girl!
I'll round out this entry with some photos that T's mother took of T and myself yesterday morning, the first day of the 37th week.
I don't think there's anyone in my shoes who could put these questions out into the air without also wondering of the deeper fears in their hearts. Of course, I'm no exception. I'm not a father, so I wouldn't know, but I think maybe some fathers also share my concern that my daughter isn't going to like my company.
Or that I won't be able to soothe her, put her to sleep, bathe her, get up with her at night, etc. Unfortunately, there will be no telling what Ever's going to like or dislike until she gets here, and all my sadness over imagined issues is not helping to pass the time!
Luckily, I have other things to occupy me. Like drawing the design that T is going to tool onto the cover of Evie's baby book, creating pages for the baby book, finishing the belly cast we did a couple weeks ago, cleaning the house up after our major re-organize, searching for cloth diapering supplies on the internet, etc! Overall, I feel like we're doing really well right now, beside my too-much-whining. I finally feel that our house is nearing the finish line, if only I'd get up and finish instead of writing a blog!
I guess there isn't a huge amount of meaningful things I need to say to the blogosphere right now other than I am just so looking forward to Evie's birth. I am floored that our daughter's due date is in only twenty days. Every other milestone in this pregnancy has had a definite timeframe, but of course labor and birth doesn't! It seems oddly appropriate that waiting for her birth is a question mark, just like waiting for her conception was. It is clear to me that this little one has particular ideas about things already, so we are just waiting for her to decide to come to us.
Everyone is so excited to meet you, darling girl!
I'll round out this entry with some photos that T's mother took of T and myself yesterday morning, the first day of the 37th week.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A baby shower and an update
A few weekends ago was our baby shower! It was a tad later than is considered "normal" to have a shower, as T was 35 weeks (at the time...), but our schedules and family schedules have been crazy! Our good friend Deb offered to host the shower when we had just barely told her we were having a baby, and she lives in this awesome community where they have a kitchen and common room for large gatherings. She put up with all our control issues gracefully and provided fantastic food and wisdom for us. Thank you, Deb. You've been an incredible friend for many years, and I count us as extremely fortunate to have you in our lives.
Our shower was full of love and laughter, carnitas tacos and chocolate buttermilk cupcakes. Everyone gathered together to share food and stories and the atmosphere was thick with the love everyone has for us and for Evie. It was nothing short of incredible. I doubt I could ever thank the people who attended thoroughly enough for their generosity - especially the family and friends who came from a distance to spend the evening with us in celebration.
Many people wrote to Evie in her leatherbound "Love Letters" book that we've been writing to her in since her conception - I cherish these little notes.
We also had a table set up outside, where everyone rubber-banded onesies (and some shirts and socks) and tie-dyed them! Check out what they all look like together:
Amazing, right?! We love them, thanks to everyone who made one!
Not only did we come away from the shower with our hearts and bellies full, but our CR-V was full of gifts for Ever, too! Wow, everyone.
There's just... it's overwhelming. Whoa. I can't help but feeling that everyone overspent, shouldn't have spoiled us so entirely. Don't get me wrong, we are intensely thankful but at the same time, we just aren't accustomed to being so thoroughly at the center of so many presents and so much attention!
Now, T is 36 weeks 5 days. Time continues to slip through my fingers and we find ourselves only one more day from the date that marks our Evie as "full-term". I think I've spent much of T's pregnancy in a state of amazement, in awe of the human body and in awe of her body, specifically. The creation of new life - what could be more impressive?
Since the baby shower, we've dropped off in our blog writing, in our social media participation, in many aspects of keeping in touch. Our apologies. The days have simply been packed full of things to do, places to go, and jobs to work. The whole pregnancy, we've been saying that we need to clean out the office and make it into a guest room. Of course, the nursery also needs finishing, and on top of those things we'd hoped to get all our carpet steam-cleaned.
Maybe there's always things that don't get accomplished on everyone's "Before Baby Comes" list. Or maybe everyone else is less ambitious. Or maybe they all had their houses in order before they got pregnant. Or maybe they care less. Who knows. I am certain that there aren't enough hours in the day. It gets quickly overwhelming when I think about all the little things I'd hoped to get done before little girl arrives, but I'm doubtful now.
Thankfully, the office/guest room is nearly finished. Just in the organizing phase now, which is annoying and time-consuming and I can't watch the Olympics while I do it. The nursery is so close to being done, just waiting on some photographs for the walls. (Her dresser is pleasantly filling up with clothes! Amazing!)
Now for what you all want to know about: T and E! T is exhausted much of the time now, and I keep trying to tell her that her job is only to keep cooking Evie and stay rested. She is the eternal "do-er" and seems intensely frustrated by her tiredness and physical limitations. Pregnancy isn't for the faint of heart, as it turns out. Soon you'll be done with this part, love, and you can climb all the ladders and carry anything you want. Evie seems to be doing just peachy, she's very active and enjoys torturing T by stretching, punching, and kicking everything and everywhere.
At our most recent Centering class, the midwife mentioned that Evie had descended down into T's pelvis some and was positioned well. We are so thankful she's head-down! T's Braxton-Hicks contractions have been growing more and more intense, and it seems that her body is doing a lot of exercise in preparation for birth.
Last weekend we took some belly photos, I'd like to share them with you all:
And a couple teaser nursery photos!
The photographs on the wall are all courtesy of my mother, who spent all day watching her poppies blossom and taking amazing photos of them. We are so pleased that all the photographs going on the walls in Evie's room were taken by my mother or T's mother; Evie has such incredible grandmothers and we are so glad for them.
Until next time... I hope life finds you all well.
Our shower was full of love and laughter, carnitas tacos and chocolate buttermilk cupcakes. Everyone gathered together to share food and stories and the atmosphere was thick with the love everyone has for us and for Evie. It was nothing short of incredible. I doubt I could ever thank the people who attended thoroughly enough for their generosity - especially the family and friends who came from a distance to spend the evening with us in celebration.
Many people wrote to Evie in her leatherbound "Love Letters" book that we've been writing to her in since her conception - I cherish these little notes.
We also had a table set up outside, where everyone rubber-banded onesies (and some shirts and socks) and tie-dyed them! Check out what they all look like together:
Amazing, right?! We love them, thanks to everyone who made one!
Not only did we come away from the shower with our hearts and bellies full, but our CR-V was full of gifts for Ever, too! Wow, everyone.
There's just... it's overwhelming. Whoa. I can't help but feeling that everyone overspent, shouldn't have spoiled us so entirely. Don't get me wrong, we are intensely thankful but at the same time, we just aren't accustomed to being so thoroughly at the center of so many presents and so much attention!
Now, T is 36 weeks 5 days. Time continues to slip through my fingers and we find ourselves only one more day from the date that marks our Evie as "full-term". I think I've spent much of T's pregnancy in a state of amazement, in awe of the human body and in awe of her body, specifically. The creation of new life - what could be more impressive?
Since the baby shower, we've dropped off in our blog writing, in our social media participation, in many aspects of keeping in touch. Our apologies. The days have simply been packed full of things to do, places to go, and jobs to work. The whole pregnancy, we've been saying that we need to clean out the office and make it into a guest room. Of course, the nursery also needs finishing, and on top of those things we'd hoped to get all our carpet steam-cleaned.
Maybe there's always things that don't get accomplished on everyone's "Before Baby Comes" list. Or maybe everyone else is less ambitious. Or maybe they all had their houses in order before they got pregnant. Or maybe they care less. Who knows. I am certain that there aren't enough hours in the day. It gets quickly overwhelming when I think about all the little things I'd hoped to get done before little girl arrives, but I'm doubtful now.
Thankfully, the office/guest room is nearly finished. Just in the organizing phase now, which is annoying and time-consuming and I can't watch the Olympics while I do it. The nursery is so close to being done, just waiting on some photographs for the walls. (Her dresser is pleasantly filling up with clothes! Amazing!)
Now for what you all want to know about: T and E! T is exhausted much of the time now, and I keep trying to tell her that her job is only to keep cooking Evie and stay rested. She is the eternal "do-er" and seems intensely frustrated by her tiredness and physical limitations. Pregnancy isn't for the faint of heart, as it turns out. Soon you'll be done with this part, love, and you can climb all the ladders and carry anything you want. Evie seems to be doing just peachy, she's very active and enjoys torturing T by stretching, punching, and kicking everything and everywhere.
At our most recent Centering class, the midwife mentioned that Evie had descended down into T's pelvis some and was positioned well. We are so thankful she's head-down! T's Braxton-Hicks contractions have been growing more and more intense, and it seems that her body is doing a lot of exercise in preparation for birth.
Last weekend we took some belly photos, I'd like to share them with you all:
And a couple teaser nursery photos!
The photographs on the wall are all courtesy of my mother, who spent all day watching her poppies blossom and taking amazing photos of them. We are so pleased that all the photographs going on the walls in Evie's room were taken by my mother or T's mother; Evie has such incredible grandmothers and we are so glad for them.
Until next time... I hope life finds you all well.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Induction Indication
Yesterday was the day I was to go off birth control in order to begin the next step in my lactation induction protocol. This morning, I took the herbal supplements (blessed thistle and fenugreek seed) recommended as well as the domperidone that I've been taking for six months. I forgot to eat oatmeal for breakfast, but I'll do better tomorrow. Interestingly, the protocol I'm on says that oatmeal has shown to increase breast milk production and it's suggested I eat it for breakfast at least three times a week.
This morning, I began pumping for the first time. The tentative plan has always been to pump often and in short bursts at first, to get my nipples used to all this suctioning. Poor nipples. So anyway. I pulled out our pump and had to read the instructions, haha. Then I did about five minutes of pumping on the left breast - only to discover that after pumping, there was a little pearlescent droplet of milk hanging out. Um, what?! That is crazy. I've only been off the birth control for a day, and that is supposed to suppress breast milk. The protocol tells us that you shouldn't expect milk for up to a week (or more) after beginning to pump. So to get a little drop on the first pumping pretty much floored me. Way to go, Lefty!
Then it was Righty's turn. I did the same thing, five minutes of pumping - and found that Righty had several MORE droplets of milk and the milk had actually leaked down and wet the areola where the pump contacted it. Whoa! Righty, you're even more awesome.
All in all, I'm mightily impressed with the girls this morning. Way to be, breasties!
I'm really starting to let myself feel optimistic about this. I think I've been so concerned that the induction would fail and I'd let myself down that I never really allowed myself to hope that it really could and would work for us, as a family. Even if it doesn't work as well as I want, I will try my best and we'll see where that takes us!
(Sorry for an entry centered on my breasts, certainly that must be odd... Oh well.)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
If You Give A Pregnant Woman A Steam-Cleaner...
She's going to want her wife to steam-clean all the carpets in the house. Hey, we should start in the living room! But before we can steam-clean the carpet, we need to shove all our furniture into our combination kitchen/dining room.
While her wife is steaming, the pregnant woman will reconsider the arrangement of the living room furniture.
Once the carpet is dry, she'll want to try out some new furniture scenarios. But in order to try new things out, it involves moving the television and entertainment unit to a different wall, requiring that the cable for satellite TV be run through a different exterior wall. Which will require a masonry drill bit. Which the steam-cleaning wife and the pregnant woman don't own. Then the lucky father of the pregnant woman gets to come save the day by assisting the pregnant woman in running the new cable through the wall. Then, the rotten father of the pregnant woman will suggest that in addition to vacuuming, wiping, and zip-tying all the cords at the back of the unit together, she should also cable-staple said zip-tied cord bundles to the back of the unit in accordance with the brickwork-style compartments in the Ikea unit. Because everyone hates seeing cables behind entertainment units stuffed with electronics and children's DVDs and toys and books.
If the furniture gets rearranged, then all the previous decorations in the living room will need to be altered. The new space on the walls will of course need new things to occupy them, including MORE photographs than already adorn our home.
And once all that is accomplished, there are of course more rooms to rearrange, redecorate, and steam-clean.
Naturally, I trust you all understand my tongue-in-cheek humor here! Truthfully, I've found T's new nesting instincts to be rather charming and adorable - likely because I know they aren't here to stay! I've enjoyed helping out, and I absolutely don't want her doing anything chemical-ish anyway so I'm the first one to volunteer to handle these things.
As I would hope you could tell, nesting has set in for my wonderfully pregnant wife. Things I don't think I'd ever expect to come from her mouth have been issuing forth at a somewhat alarming pace. To mention a few:
"I'm really tired of the hard water stains on our dishes. I think I'll soak the dishes in vinegar and rub the stains off. "
"I feel like I NEED to clean out the junk drawer. It's driving me crazy."
"Next time most of the silverware is out of the drawer, we should put the plastic divider into the dishwasher." (This one I actually agree with, lol.)
"The linen closet really needs to be gone through and reorganized. I think I'll wash everything in there after work tonight."
"Would you mind dusting and then wiping down the ceiling fan blades and housing this weekend? I really want to balance it better so it STOPS CLICKING ALL THE TIME."
A couple weekends ago I even caught her dusting the fire extinguisher. (She doesn't seem to appreciate the humor in this that I do.)
To her immense credit, she's been very productive. She did clean out the junk drawer, she did clean out and reorganize (and label) the shelves of the linen closet. She's been going through old documents that we tend to neglect by leaving in giant piles and discover again two years later. Not to mention that she's already washed and put away the baby clothing she received at her surprise work shower in June. And we've finally cleaned out the cabinet in the kitchen that was devoted to our foster kids - kid dishes, sippy cups, baby food, formula, bibs, meds, you name it. Haven't even looked in that cabinet in seven months, but now it's been cleaned out and reorganized as well.
The biggest thing left on our list is to clean out the office and create a guest bedroom in its stead. This is on my To-Do list for this weekend while T handles a huge Catholic youth convention ... I'd rather be me than her this weekend, and that is saying something because the office is a huge undertaking! Once we can get the guest room going, we'll be able to finish up Ever's room and then we'll be much closer to ready.
Speaking of ready. I've spent much of my time lately occupying that place of total delight in the idea of meeting my daughter while simultaneously being in denial that she's really going to be here sometime in the next three to seven weeks. Same old story, right?
In the next couple weeks we'll be doing a casting of T's belly, too, and I'm pretty stoked about that. Also, my lactation induction protocol is about to change majorly! I'm stopping the birth control after tomorrow, and beginning to take breastmilk production enhancing herbs and starting to pump. We'll see in the next couple weeks if we've got any luck! Let's see, what else... Oh, we took some cute photos! And T got a new lens for the camera for her birthday, and we're really excited about that. Photos from the new lens to come soon, hopefully. Here are the cute ones we took from last weekend to tide you over:
While her wife is steaming, the pregnant woman will reconsider the arrangement of the living room furniture.
Once the carpet is dry, she'll want to try out some new furniture scenarios. But in order to try new things out, it involves moving the television and entertainment unit to a different wall, requiring that the cable for satellite TV be run through a different exterior wall. Which will require a masonry drill bit. Which the steam-cleaning wife and the pregnant woman don't own. Then the lucky father of the pregnant woman gets to come save the day by assisting the pregnant woman in running the new cable through the wall. Then, the rotten father of the pregnant woman will suggest that in addition to vacuuming, wiping, and zip-tying all the cords at the back of the unit together, she should also cable-staple said zip-tied cord bundles to the back of the unit in accordance with the brickwork-style compartments in the Ikea unit. Because everyone hates seeing cables behind entertainment units stuffed with electronics and children's DVDs and toys and books.
If the furniture gets rearranged, then all the previous decorations in the living room will need to be altered. The new space on the walls will of course need new things to occupy them, including MORE photographs than already adorn our home.
And once all that is accomplished, there are of course more rooms to rearrange, redecorate, and steam-clean.
Naturally, I trust you all understand my tongue-in-cheek humor here! Truthfully, I've found T's new nesting instincts to be rather charming and adorable - likely because I know they aren't here to stay! I've enjoyed helping out, and I absolutely don't want her doing anything chemical-ish anyway so I'm the first one to volunteer to handle these things.
As I would hope you could tell, nesting has set in for my wonderfully pregnant wife. Things I don't think I'd ever expect to come from her mouth have been issuing forth at a somewhat alarming pace. To mention a few:
"I'm really tired of the hard water stains on our dishes. I think I'll soak the dishes in vinegar and rub the stains off. "
"I feel like I NEED to clean out the junk drawer. It's driving me crazy."
"Next time most of the silverware is out of the drawer, we should put the plastic divider into the dishwasher." (This one I actually agree with, lol.)
"The linen closet really needs to be gone through and reorganized. I think I'll wash everything in there after work tonight."
"Would you mind dusting and then wiping down the ceiling fan blades and housing this weekend? I really want to balance it better so it STOPS CLICKING ALL THE TIME."
A couple weekends ago I even caught her dusting the fire extinguisher. (She doesn't seem to appreciate the humor in this that I do.)
To her immense credit, she's been very productive. She did clean out the junk drawer, she did clean out and reorganize (and label) the shelves of the linen closet. She's been going through old documents that we tend to neglect by leaving in giant piles and discover again two years later. Not to mention that she's already washed and put away the baby clothing she received at her surprise work shower in June. And we've finally cleaned out the cabinet in the kitchen that was devoted to our foster kids - kid dishes, sippy cups, baby food, formula, bibs, meds, you name it. Haven't even looked in that cabinet in seven months, but now it's been cleaned out and reorganized as well.
The biggest thing left on our list is to clean out the office and create a guest bedroom in its stead. This is on my To-Do list for this weekend while T handles a huge Catholic youth convention ... I'd rather be me than her this weekend, and that is saying something because the office is a huge undertaking! Once we can get the guest room going, we'll be able to finish up Ever's room and then we'll be much closer to ready.
Speaking of ready. I've spent much of my time lately occupying that place of total delight in the idea of meeting my daughter while simultaneously being in denial that she's really going to be here sometime in the next three to seven weeks. Same old story, right?
In the next couple weeks we'll be doing a casting of T's belly, too, and I'm pretty stoked about that. Also, my lactation induction protocol is about to change majorly! I'm stopping the birth control after tomorrow, and beginning to take breastmilk production enhancing herbs and starting to pump. We'll see in the next couple weeks if we've got any luck! Let's see, what else... Oh, we took some cute photos! And T got a new lens for the camera for her birthday, and we're really excited about that. Photos from the new lens to come soon, hopefully. Here are the cute ones we took from last weekend to tide you over:
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| With our dog, Manni! |
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| Knitting Evie's newest beautiful hat. |
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| Caught her stretching - whoa, lookit that belly! |
Monday, July 16, 2012
Stuck Between a Rock and a Pregnant Place
Overall, I feel overwhelmingly lucky at how well this pregnancy has gone. The only major hiccup was my own clumsy fault. My body has done what it is supposed to do and the normal pregnancy aches and pains have been on the mild side.
That being said, I'm a whiny pansy. I really am. I haven't done well with the limitations my pregnant body has, especially when the end point seems so far away. The end point, my due date. It not all that far away any more. 47 days (45 if you go by the ultrasound). I'm finally feeling like I can do it. I may have to do things at a slower pace and take more breaks, but I can get through the next 7 weeks, its not that long. I may have to ask for help more often, but I have great friends and family and they get more annoyed when I don't ask and try to do something stupid myself. I spent so much time worrying about being able to survive this summer that I just realized I made it through the hardest part, the monsoons are here and they are fantastic! I'm going to focus on enjoying these last weeks of my pregnancy, since it is likely to be my only one.
With my 3rd trimester about half way over, our to-do list seems to get bigger and bigger. I think it just seems to get bigger since the time is smaller. We have accomplished parts of each project, but not enough to cross anything off. Like our bag for when I go into labor. We have a bag picked out and a list of what goes in it, but it isn't packed, and we have to buy a lot of the things we need for it. Then there is the house, most of the projects can't be finished completely until we can clean out the office and turn it into a guest room. Does anyone want a drafting table?
The other thing that has been on my mind is the state of motherhood. I feel like we are at this weird place where we are first time parents and not, all at the same time. The most obvious thing for me is sleep. Every time A or I make a comment about sleep, it seems like everyone's reaction is "Just wait 'til that baby comes! Enjoy the sleep you get while you can!" Well, yeah. Having a newborn means you don't get sleep. Fortunately, that's what maternity leave is for. When we had foster kids we had work the next day. I think with A&A I took one day off, but that day was spend getting shots so they could be enrolled in day care. Taking 2 kids to the doctor and them both needing shots before you know them 24 hours was one of the most traumatic things I've ever had to do. By the end I wanted to cry with them. My trauma was only a drop in the bucket to what they had to be going through.
There are some things that I'm really looking forward to having my own children instead of fostering. She will be able to sleep in our room and in our bed if we want. Our first placement would have been able to be in our room, but she was too big for the bassinet we had, so she was in the crib in the nursery. The other big thing is FORMULA! We don't have to get up an mix a bottle every time she wakes up! I'm also hoping our little girl has a stronger immune system! It seemed like our foster kids were ALWAYS sick, and we were, too. Hopefully breast feeding and pushing daycare off a bit will help us not catch EVERYTHING! I also think the foster kids were especially vulnerable because of all of the stress of their situation. Poor kids. The biggest different is we won't have to deal with CPS! We don't have to arrange our week around when the kids are on visits or when we have home visits. We won't have team meetings and court dates. We won't have to get permission to cut her hair! Maybe one day we will have to deal with CPS again and it will mean the adoption laws in AZ have changed and we can both have legal rights to our kids. Then it will be worth it!
One thing I did find comfort in with fostering that I won't have with our own is the lack of permanence. At the most difficult times when I had given up hope, I found some comfort in the fact that the situation wasn't permanent. At some point that particular problem would be someone else's to deal with. When I couldn't comfort one of the kids when they were upset, it was easier to not feel like a failure. I wasn't the one they wanted to be comforted by and that was okay and normal. But that won't be true anymore. Fortunately it also taught me that usually that problem would eventually be resolved anyways. As my mother-in-law quotes, "This too shall pass".
I feel like I'm prepared for parenthood. You can't be prepared for every situation, but know our parenting style and work well as a team. I know there will be times when we feel overwhelmed, but now we will be able to take a break and have a babysitter. They won't have to have their fingerprint card and be on file with the agency. We can ask a favor from a friend or our family and get an evening out.
In the mean time we are focusing on the things foster care couldn't prepare us for; pregnancy, labor, and birth, breastfeeding, vaccinations (since we didn't have a choice before), co-sleeping. Later this week we are going to a La Leche League meeting. We were warned by our Bradley instructor that there will be a lot of women breastfeeding (scandalous!), most without using a nursing cover (even more scandalous!). Umm, yeah, its La Leche League, that's the point! Anyways, I'll try to write a blog afterwards about the meeting and about their book, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding".
Well, that was a rather long blog for me, hopefully it wasn't too disjointed!
-T
That being said, I'm a whiny pansy. I really am. I haven't done well with the limitations my pregnant body has, especially when the end point seems so far away. The end point, my due date. It not all that far away any more. 47 days (45 if you go by the ultrasound). I'm finally feeling like I can do it. I may have to do things at a slower pace and take more breaks, but I can get through the next 7 weeks, its not that long. I may have to ask for help more often, but I have great friends and family and they get more annoyed when I don't ask and try to do something stupid myself. I spent so much time worrying about being able to survive this summer that I just realized I made it through the hardest part, the monsoons are here and they are fantastic! I'm going to focus on enjoying these last weeks of my pregnancy, since it is likely to be my only one.
With my 3rd trimester about half way over, our to-do list seems to get bigger and bigger. I think it just seems to get bigger since the time is smaller. We have accomplished parts of each project, but not enough to cross anything off. Like our bag for when I go into labor. We have a bag picked out and a list of what goes in it, but it isn't packed, and we have to buy a lot of the things we need for it. Then there is the house, most of the projects can't be finished completely until we can clean out the office and turn it into a guest room. Does anyone want a drafting table?
The other thing that has been on my mind is the state of motherhood. I feel like we are at this weird place where we are first time parents and not, all at the same time. The most obvious thing for me is sleep. Every time A or I make a comment about sleep, it seems like everyone's reaction is "Just wait 'til that baby comes! Enjoy the sleep you get while you can!" Well, yeah. Having a newborn means you don't get sleep. Fortunately, that's what maternity leave is for. When we had foster kids we had work the next day. I think with A&A I took one day off, but that day was spend getting shots so they could be enrolled in day care. Taking 2 kids to the doctor and them both needing shots before you know them 24 hours was one of the most traumatic things I've ever had to do. By the end I wanted to cry with them. My trauma was only a drop in the bucket to what they had to be going through.
There are some things that I'm really looking forward to having my own children instead of fostering. She will be able to sleep in our room and in our bed if we want. Our first placement would have been able to be in our room, but she was too big for the bassinet we had, so she was in the crib in the nursery. The other big thing is FORMULA! We don't have to get up an mix a bottle every time she wakes up! I'm also hoping our little girl has a stronger immune system! It seemed like our foster kids were ALWAYS sick, and we were, too. Hopefully breast feeding and pushing daycare off a bit will help us not catch EVERYTHING! I also think the foster kids were especially vulnerable because of all of the stress of their situation. Poor kids. The biggest different is we won't have to deal with CPS! We don't have to arrange our week around when the kids are on visits or when we have home visits. We won't have team meetings and court dates. We won't have to get permission to cut her hair! Maybe one day we will have to deal with CPS again and it will mean the adoption laws in AZ have changed and we can both have legal rights to our kids. Then it will be worth it!
One thing I did find comfort in with fostering that I won't have with our own is the lack of permanence. At the most difficult times when I had given up hope, I found some comfort in the fact that the situation wasn't permanent. At some point that particular problem would be someone else's to deal with. When I couldn't comfort one of the kids when they were upset, it was easier to not feel like a failure. I wasn't the one they wanted to be comforted by and that was okay and normal. But that won't be true anymore. Fortunately it also taught me that usually that problem would eventually be resolved anyways. As my mother-in-law quotes, "This too shall pass".
I feel like I'm prepared for parenthood. You can't be prepared for every situation, but know our parenting style and work well as a team. I know there will be times when we feel overwhelmed, but now we will be able to take a break and have a babysitter. They won't have to have their fingerprint card and be on file with the agency. We can ask a favor from a friend or our family and get an evening out.
In the mean time we are focusing on the things foster care couldn't prepare us for; pregnancy, labor, and birth, breastfeeding, vaccinations (since we didn't have a choice before), co-sleeping. Later this week we are going to a La Leche League meeting. We were warned by our Bradley instructor that there will be a lot of women breastfeeding (scandalous!), most without using a nursing cover (even more scandalous!). Umm, yeah, its La Leche League, that's the point! Anyways, I'll try to write a blog afterwards about the meeting and about their book, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding".
Well, that was a rather long blog for me, hopefully it wasn't too disjointed!
-T
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Roller Derby Taught Me How to Give Birth
Well, it is 5:30am and I'm awake. Exhausted, but awake. There is no reason for it, other than my inability to fall back asleep, so I'm trying to keep my mind busy until it is ready to try again. Maybe I'll eat something, too.
After our first few birth classes I told A I when I wrote a review of the book it would be about how everything I learned about giving birth, I learned from roller derby. So here is is.
The two prevailing methods of natural childbirth that were recommended to us were the Bradley Method and Hypnobirthing (I've since learned that there is Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies and they are more different than their names suggest). From the little research I did, I decided that Bradley seemed like it would be a better fit for me. It approaches birth as an athletic event that you need to train your body for. It incorporates exercise, relaxation, and nutrition and advocates knowledge and decision making for the parents (rather than just doing whatever interventions the hospital says are necessary, or worse, routine). So we dropped $275 on 12 weeks of classes.
I finished the book for our Bradley Method Class last week. Well, most of it. There were some chapters that got skimmed and others I'm sure I missed. The assigned reading jumped around a lot, so there was a level of disjointedness to it all. There were chapters that I could swear I had read before, but it turned out "Husband-Coached Childbirth" is just *that* repetitive. It really seemed to be writing for the idiot husband of a helpless wife. I found this really contradictory to its message of the natural power of a woman to give birth. Maybe the only way Dr. Bradley knew how to empower husbands was to make them play the hero.
A and I met when we were 18 while playing roller derby. We played for about 5 years. During that time we were on different teams, the same team, local teams, traveling teams, we coached and captained, everything. A was even a referee for a while. It was our lives.
The only thing I can come up with is that those 5 years put us more in tune with each other than your average couple taking these classes. We have already learned how to communicate subtly and know what the other person is about to do. We have seen each other in pain and we know whether space or contact is what is needed. We understand the difference between pain because something is wrong and pain because your body is doing work. We know never to say "just one more time" if there is no guarantee. I know that I don't want to hear that I'm "half way there" during each contraction the same way I hated to hear when a drill was half way done (the second half always seemed so much longer!). We know when the other one needs encouragement and that it isn't by telling everyone in the room "Isn't my wife doing great!?"
Its hard to explain, but all of the activities we had to do to learn how to relax just seemed childish. Honestly, if during labor she puts pressure on a tense muscle and actually says, "this is what a tense muscle feels like, relax this muscle on your next exhale", I'm pretty sure I would kick her out of the room. She knows this, but it doesn't matter, because she would never do it anyways. I'm pretty sure it drove our instructor crazy that she wouldn't use the prompts we were supposed to be practicing, but we didn't need to. I knew if she was massaging a muscle that I needed to relax it and she knew that if I was having a hard time doing it I would take a deep breath and then be able to.
Maybe I would have come out of this all less cynical if we hadn't been the only couple in the class. If there had been other people to answer questions and direct the flow of conversation. If I could see that people really were learning something. The most important thing I got from the class was that I was already as prepared as possible to give birth and I didn't need 12 weeks of classes to get there. So I guess that is something.
All in all, I still agree with the idea of an athletic event that you should prepare your body for. I agree that your partner is the best person to help you and be there if you need guidance. Maybe books written by other people on the Bradley Method aren't quite so awful. But I honestly don't care enough to find out.
The most important lesson I learned from roller derby: Be fearless. Just do what needs to be done, it will take longer and be much more painful if you are afraid.
After our first few birth classes I told A I when I wrote a review of the book it would be about how everything I learned about giving birth, I learned from roller derby. So here is is.
The two prevailing methods of natural childbirth that were recommended to us were the Bradley Method and Hypnobirthing (I've since learned that there is Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies and they are more different than their names suggest). From the little research I did, I decided that Bradley seemed like it would be a better fit for me. It approaches birth as an athletic event that you need to train your body for. It incorporates exercise, relaxation, and nutrition and advocates knowledge and decision making for the parents (rather than just doing whatever interventions the hospital says are necessary, or worse, routine). So we dropped $275 on 12 weeks of classes.
I finished the book for our Bradley Method Class last week. Well, most of it. There were some chapters that got skimmed and others I'm sure I missed. The assigned reading jumped around a lot, so there was a level of disjointedness to it all. There were chapters that I could swear I had read before, but it turned out "Husband-Coached Childbirth" is just *that* repetitive. It really seemed to be writing for the idiot husband of a helpless wife. I found this really contradictory to its message of the natural power of a woman to give birth. Maybe the only way Dr. Bradley knew how to empower husbands was to make them play the hero.
A and I met when we were 18 while playing roller derby. We played for about 5 years. During that time we were on different teams, the same team, local teams, traveling teams, we coached and captained, everything. A was even a referee for a while. It was our lives.
 |
| The early years! |
The only thing I can come up with is that those 5 years put us more in tune with each other than your average couple taking these classes. We have already learned how to communicate subtly and know what the other person is about to do. We have seen each other in pain and we know whether space or contact is what is needed. We understand the difference between pain because something is wrong and pain because your body is doing work. We know never to say "just one more time" if there is no guarantee. I know that I don't want to hear that I'm "half way there" during each contraction the same way I hated to hear when a drill was half way done (the second half always seemed so much longer!). We know when the other one needs encouragement and that it isn't by telling everyone in the room "Isn't my wife doing great!?"
Its hard to explain, but all of the activities we had to do to learn how to relax just seemed childish. Honestly, if during labor she puts pressure on a tense muscle and actually says, "this is what a tense muscle feels like, relax this muscle on your next exhale", I'm pretty sure I would kick her out of the room. She knows this, but it doesn't matter, because she would never do it anyways. I'm pretty sure it drove our instructor crazy that she wouldn't use the prompts we were supposed to be practicing, but we didn't need to. I knew if she was massaging a muscle that I needed to relax it and she knew that if I was having a hard time doing it I would take a deep breath and then be able to.
Maybe I would have come out of this all less cynical if we hadn't been the only couple in the class. If there had been other people to answer questions and direct the flow of conversation. If I could see that people really were learning something. The most important thing I got from the class was that I was already as prepared as possible to give birth and I didn't need 12 weeks of classes to get there. So I guess that is something.
All in all, I still agree with the idea of an athletic event that you should prepare your body for. I agree that your partner is the best person to help you and be there if you need guidance. Maybe books written by other people on the Bradley Method aren't quite so awful. But I honestly don't care enough to find out.
The most important lesson I learned from roller derby: Be fearless. Just do what needs to be done, it will take longer and be much more painful if you are afraid.
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| Me jamming at 2007 Nationals, maybe I'll have a flat belly again one day! |
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| A jamming at 2006 Nationals (she wasn't normally a jammer, poor A) |
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