4 Months!

Okay, I guess *technically* T isn't four months along until tomorrow, but close enough.

Couple things happening in our lives right now!  First, T has been experiencing the baby moving around in there since last Friday!  She says at first, it was like maybe once a day she would feel like she was getting poked from the inside.  But now it's happening more and more; she thinks that when she first began to feel movement, it was only when the baby made a huge effort at it.  Now, she's beginning to feel enough subtlety that she's experiencing the "bubbles" or "flutters" that everyone claims is the first movement she would feel.

I keep hoping every day that maybe it'll be my turn to feel some of these pokes or flutters from the outside, but until that day happens I'm okay to wait.  Not too long though!

Sunday morning we were taking advantage of a lazy day, and stayed in bed reading after we woke up.  T placed my hand over her belly, and I was surprised to discover that there was only what could be described as a palm-sized lump in her lower abdomen.  Until now, it's always been kind of a generalized round belly that was pretty firm.  But this... was almost reminiscent of a tumor or something, haha.  It was amazing.  A few minutes later, she mentioned that the lump was in a different place.  I felt again, and indeed the baby lump was in a different place.  Over the next twenty minutes or so it went from being stretched out horizontally under T's belly button, to laying vertically on first the right side and then the left side, curled up in the middle, and then stretched out way down low.  At one point I even had my hand cupped over the lump, and T pressed into her belly just beside it and I actually felt the baby roll underneath my palm!

I can't help but look at this little lump in T's belly and be incredulous.  There really is a baby in there!  Whoa!

Which brings me to my next upcoming event: our anatomy scan is scheduled for April 3rd - TWO WEEKS away!  We are hoping to learn the sex of the baby.  If baby cooperates.

A common question surrounding learning the sex of our baby is, "Do you have a preference?"

You know, I used to.  I don't anymore.

I've hoped for years that our first baby would be a little girl.  There are reasons, but none of any real weight. I imagined that learning we were having a boy would disappoint me, and that fear drove me to request that we learn the sex of the baby before the birth.  It is important to me that the day of the birth is only a day of joy, not one with anything less than that.  Much less disappointment or resentment.

In the past week or two, I've spent a lot of time thinking about sex preferences.  I discovered that there is no reason for me to be disappointed over having a son first over a daughter.  I've known little boys and loved little boys, it isn't difficult for me to imagine having a son or loving a son.

I know that the sex of the baby is determined at the moment of conception - but knowing it doesn't always equal living it.  It finally hit me that wishing and hoping for a girl didn't do any good after we learned T was pregnant.  We're already getting who we are getting.  Our son or our daughter is already in there, we're already in love, so what does it matter which one it is?  I actually began to feel intense guilt about it.  That if we're having a boy, I've been wishing for someone other than him this whole time.  It isn't his fault he's a boy.    And ultimately I haven't been wishing for someone other than who's in there.  I want exactly who is already in there.  So whether this baby has boy-parts or girl-parts, it doesn't matter at all.

Now I'm just excited to learn which one it is!

Lastly, my domperidone finally came in after some drama with the pharmacy in New Zealand, so I ordered from another place in the UK.  So I've been taking the domperidone and the birth control since Friday, and now we're anxiously awaiting to see how severely the hormones are going to affect me.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I remain the unemotional, level person I always have been!  (Snicker.  Yeah...  Let's hope for NOT a crazed lunatic and call it a WIN.)

Okay.  That's been long enough.  I leave you with photos.  Happy first day of spring today!